i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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