At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
