Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
