dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
