Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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