I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
whose ass print is on the piano?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize