there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
