I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
