Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize