1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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