my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize