So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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