are you still at the devil's house?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
