dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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