the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
