i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
