Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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