i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
