You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
