Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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