Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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