i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
