p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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