last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
