I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
