I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
