Hey man sorry I got all grabby
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
