she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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