Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
