I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
