i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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