If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize