smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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