someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
