She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
