just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
