i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
