So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
