So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
