we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
