Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
