So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
