I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
