:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
