just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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