Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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