And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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