It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
