Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
