Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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