Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
