Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
