I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
