their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
