those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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