Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
