well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
