mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
