I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
