Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
