If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
