my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
a search helicopter?!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
