i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
