Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
