His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
