go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
