I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
