I hope mine doesn't look like that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
