i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
